so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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