This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
