I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
