What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
