'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
These tits shall not be calmed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
