I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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