Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
