Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sext me about skeletons
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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