I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
