were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
