no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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