i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
