apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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