The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
