her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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