I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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