Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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