Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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