shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
