I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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