I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
