Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
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That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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