she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
