I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
