if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
