dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
