just tell him i said nine months
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
