she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
