i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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