so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love having hate sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
