You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
