How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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