I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
