He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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