I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
