Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
