i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
40s are totally the cure
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
