He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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