the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
