Define "chronic" masturbator.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
