The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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