I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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