So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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