if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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