Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
