all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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