Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
