Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
