I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
