my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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