i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
