I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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