They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
