Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we have officially lost it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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