I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
