i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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