What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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