If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
