Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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