Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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