God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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