i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
