Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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