I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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