I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
