I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
