We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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