explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
