I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think my moral compass just broke
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
