I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
