Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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