Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
