Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He shit in the fireplace
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