I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
