at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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