So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
