Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
